個人積分：18分
文章編號：19312984
騎車的人心胸最狹窄
Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around.
騎車的人心腸最壞最會偷練.(說到心坎裡了!)
They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this
happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what
they really mean when they say:
他們通常會講一些543,爲的就是待會好好打你一槍.爲了不讓這種悲劇發生在你身上,
請大家好好研究騎士的專業術語手冊,這樣你才知道他們到底在講些什麼.(我所指的壞心就是這種感覺)
"I'm out of shape"
我的身材走樣了.
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than
you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your
mortgage rate.
翻譯:我每週騎600KM自從孫中山推翻滿清之後每天從不間斷.
我換11齒的飛輪比你洗車褲的次數還多,我的體脂肪率比你房貸的利率還低.
(在比賽前常聽到我都沒練的這種話就是這回事)
"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
我沒有要比賽,我騎車只是健身而已.
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling
and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into
oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your
seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.
翻譯:我會一直發動攻擊直到你倒在水溝裡啜泣兼胡說八道,
爲了要贏這個衝刺點我會不惜憋你到對向車道.
爲了要先爬上那個坡,我不惜抓住你的座管,再把運動飲料灑到你的眼睛.
(真是壞心腸的最佳寫照)
"I'm on my beater bike"
我今天騎練習車出門.
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium
blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It
weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
翻譯:這隻寶貝是在托斯卡尼用教宗加持過的鈦合金精心特別訂製的.
然後進到風洞測試直到阻力全部消失,重量比屁還輕,造價比離婚還昂貴.
(很多人這樣說是怕萬一騎輸人才有理由牽拖)
"It's not that hilly"
那條路沒很陡啦.
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be
careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You
have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.
翻譯:這個坡將比總統大選的競選活動還久,小心最陡的部份,可能會向後翻過去,
你只有39x23的齒輪比嗎?來!這是我膝蓋外科醫生的名字,介紹給你認識.
(上一次被騙去陽明書院就是這種感覺)
"You're doing great, honey"
老婆騎的不錯喔!
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This
is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating
chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.
翻譯:你這個大屁股,看到你我寧願半夜才回家.
這就是你整個冬天搞些有的沒的裝飾和窩在那裡吃巧克力的結果.
早知道我就應該娶一個可愛的國手.
(爲了家庭男人常常不得不講善意的謊言,事實上這就是內心的吶喊啊!)
"This is a no-drop ride"
我們會等最後一隻的.
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the
search-and-rescue dogs.
翻譯:我需要一件你的衣服給搜救犬辨識,才方便把你找回來.
(套一句楊董的話好像家裡火燒厝等都不等一下)
"It's not that far"
沒有很遠啦.
Translation: Bring your passport
翻譯:記住不要忘記帶護照.
(不公佈路程的團騎爲了就是要修理人啊!)
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